2020 Vision

Deep breath.


Until this moment, this blog has been solely for the use of putting my poetry somewhere easily accessible. But, for several reasons, I've found it necessary to push myself to post not just new poetry (seeing that I haven't written anything new in almost three years now), but also to share more of the inner workings of my mind. The new additions I plan to add to this blog include (but are not limited to) more poetry, writings on specific topics, and tarot journaling. This is mostly intended for me to organize my thoughts, since they like to jump around and keeping track of them leaves me dizzy. I welcome anyone who already knows about this blog to follow along at their own risk, and know that if I share this with you in the future, I do so out of trust.

Now, the insipiration to make a new post after such a long time comes from a string of synchronicities. Honestly, so many it would be hard to name them all. But I have been wrestling with feeling as though I had fallen off a very important path, and was starting to feel lost and as though I had been awaken and then started drifting back to sleep. A few suggestions from the universe later and I was begging for a tarot deck to help me breathe life back into the magic within. To bring back the synchronicities and set me back on my path. Christmas came, and so did my first tarot deck: Quantum Tarot. A beautiful deck that combines the mysticism and archetypes of the tarot, with the logical, rational study of quantum physics. Beautiful. Two weeks later, and I'm already obsessed. Trading readings with friends, inspiring another friend to buy her own deck, and now being inspired in return by that friend to use my blog alongside a tarot journal (which I bought along with a second tarot deck called "The Fountain", and it's gorgeous).

So here we are. I'm setting my intentions and theme for the year. I have picked words in years past to represent my focus on the year, and at this point the only one I can remember from the past was Ego (2016). This year, fittingly, will be Vision. My intention is to focus on the vision I have for myself, for my community, and for the world. I have been on this path for nearly EIGHT years now. I've been reading, learning, experiencing, growing, and now is time to shape and form my vision in some clear, less nebulous form.

Ok. Now with the tarot journal.

So we start off with a little math trick to find my "card of the year" to focus on.

My birthday (10 + 26) = 36
Plus this year (36 + 2020) = 2056
Add those digits (2+0+5+6) = 13
13th Card = Death.

Well that's a start. I know the death card isn't literal, so let's see what my booklet has to say about this card.

"A Significant End. A time to transform. A time for mourning, loss, acceptance as a means to release, embracing the inevitable."

I can already think of a few ways this might apply to my life, and the challenges I have faced, am currently facing, or might be facing this year. It immediately brings to my mind the fact that I am a Scorpio. Scorpio is literally the sign of death & rebirth. The energy of our lives is a constant cycle of this. Unafraid to transform, and this is what I've been needing. Transformation. So I suppose what I need to focus on this year is, what is it that needs to change?

I've got a lot to say on this subject, but since this is a general thing to ponder for the year, I'll leave it without an answer just yet. However, I will now do a small spread to get started on some details. I've had a couple pretty on point readings today, so hopefully this one will be as helpful. This will be a past/present/future spread, asking nothing specific.


Past: the 7 of Wands (7 Being a number of Persistance, Wands being a suit of passion and will): Unshakable Determination. A man is being attacked in broad daylight by a gang with 6 wands. He is outnumbered but a quiet certainty emboldens his confidence; he will stand and defend his ground. The counter is expected, but was is more surprising are the faces he recognizes as some of his friends and colleagues. You may be in a situation where you feel opposed or betrayed but from this height, you have the advantage. Nothing can stop you from meeting this challenge head on.

Reflection: The significant moments of my past that this immediately brings to mind is events from the first chapters of my story. My awakening began with betrayal by a friend (gaslighting) and further betrayal from my boyfriend at the time, and all of my friends as they turned their backs on me even though I was clearly struggling. It took me a lot of strength to meet the barrage of challenges I faced in that time, but I made it through and it proved to me that I could do just about anything. When you take the ground away and leave someone floating, they can fall or they can fly. And I learned I could fly.



Present The 4 of Cups (Reversed) (4 is rootedness/ stability, cups is emotion, intuition, relationships):
Blind Disillusion. A man slumps in a corner, brooding over his current situation. What once has satisfied him, now brings boredom and discontent. He wavers between self-reflection and disillusionment but is dangerously close to melancholy. As he stews in his emotions, his ability to see another option is clouded. If he can shake the self-pity, he will remember that he has options and the bounty around him will start to become obvious again. When the Four of Cups appears in your reading, quit focusing on the empty cups; possibility is closer than you think. REVERSAL: Taking action, seeing possibilities, impending new relationships and experiences, a breakthrough in self awareness.

Reflection: Eek. This one is rough. There's a lot going on here, and it's regarding my romantic partner. I think at the beginning of our relationship, I was so focused on being happy to have someone to build a life with, that wanted to build a life with me. But as things went on it seemed clear we had different ideals of the "perfect relationship" and some things he needed me to bend on, I'm not sure I really could. But I did. And it's been nagging at me for a while now. I have brought up my concerns, and gotten really poor communication in return, leaving me feeling stuck between getting really frustrated and just pushing it back down again. I think the action this is asking me to take, is to force a decision over the future of our relationship. I keep worrying about what my future will look like without him, but I know where my path is heading and as things currently are, he holds me back from it.



Future: The Ace of Cups (Reversed)
Emotional Connection. Two doves (expressions of the Divine) hold a cup overflowing and replenishing itself with water- the effortless equilibrium of giving and receiving. The Ace of Cups is a fleeting gift of emotional connection; the beginning of something beautiful. Whether the connection is spiritual or earthly, it is an opportunity for growth and for an expression of love. When this card graces your reading, take advantage of your moment at this wellspring. REVERSAL: Unreciprocated emotion, dissatisfaction, instability, tainted happiness, false love, sterility.

Reflection: I feel like this represents the future regardless of what happens with my present situation. Whether me standing up for my own needs causes him to give me what I need, or he can't be that for me and it's not right, maybe that means the kind of give and take I need is coming from somewhere else. Either way, it's hope for me. I need to take the strength I have had in the past and apply it in the present to get to a positive future.



Well, that's it for now. A lot to think about and important conversations on my mind. I know I was probably a little vague, but the important details are all there.